Friday, 5 August 2011

Homey Atmosphere

Assalamualaikum , readers ...

Ramadhan Kareem =)
Now it's already 4am in my room at Ipoh , can't sleep due to jet lag ..
and almost 26 hours i'm here at Ipoh ..
I supposed to be here since 3rd August ,
but due to inconvenience and troubles that happened during my flight to Malaysia ,
my flight was delayed for almost 24 hours .. i guess .
My friends and i were 'deserted' at Riyadh airport ,
without any notice / announcement ...
until the other passengers started to fidget ...

Actually i heard rumors that Saudi Airlines was quite problematic ,
but tried to 'husnu zon' and i just continue with this flight .
But it turned otherwise . haha .
Everybad was mad . Damnly .
But still we're lucky , they still gave us food .
Like the moment i stayed in Cairo Airport during the revolutionary uprisings in February.

However , my otherwise Husnu Zon turn otherwise back [ apa punya ayat ntah ]
Due to those technical errors , the fidgety events with Saudi Airlines ,
my madness gone away .. when i see something that i won't see anywhere
with other airlines , i think .

The steward prayed together for Fajr prayer ,
the stewardess also became Imamah for my female friends ,
in a small cubical area at the back of the plane ,
and i think that area specially designed for prayer area ..

The stewardess covered her body with the airplane blanket ,
above and below .
Probably she wasn't comfortable to wear only the suit she wore for solat ..
And she read Quran after the Fajr prayer ..

I hope i'll see this miracle more n more in the future .
i have to get back to work now .
Many things to be settled .


Selamat Beramal . Readers .

Saturday, 30 July 2011

Kembali ke Bentuk Asal

Assalamualaikum . Readers .

I'm back from my temporary 'outland' .

A dissociated world .

Apparently , some pressures made me stop or limit my 'movement'

Dont blame me , It was him -- EXAM --

Exam is Good . But when i realized i actually screwed up myself ,

totally doomed me !

I think i owe you guys [ for those who affected ] .. an apology

Because i didnt checked my emails , FB (little) , disconnect from phone calls etc

Which i think i shudnt do those at the first place,

because i think i am an important person? [ --" ]

Last day exam , as usual , our annual schedule , the last day gonna be OSCE ..

As far i remember ; the 10 stations are :

1- Confrontation Test - pictures and explain [ Ophthalmology ]
2- Deafness & Ear discharge - History taking [ ORL- Ear ]
3- CT scan Antro- Choanal Polyp , DD for unilateral nasal obstruction - [ ORL-Nose ]
4- Rinne's & Weber's test , Otoscopic Exam.. [ ORL - Ear ]
5- Scabies - history Taking [ Dermatology ]
6- Examination in Psoriatic case - [ Dermatology ]
7- Semen Analysis - [ Andrology ]
8- Forest Plot in Meta-Analysis - Describe [ Research & Methodology ]
9- Pupillary Light Reflex - Examine the patient [ Ophthalmology ]
10- Central Retinal Artery Occlusion- Pictures & describe [ Ophthalmology ]

These could be useful for the juniors ;)

Soon after exam, i 'kembali ke bentuk asal'

I am going back to my work .. to my daily life here ..

as a Timbalan Pengerusi PCM ..

and currently , i watch these a lot ..

stand up for your rights

Monday, 11 July 2011

52 Days waiting

Serious . frankly speaking . i think i am dreaming . still .

I am counting days . Not for my 2 days waiting Ophthalmology End-Round exam .

Not for 15 days queuing for final exam for this semester ,
but for my Nikah + Wedding Day!

*pom* pom* pom * [ firecracker sound ]

If mak or ayah ever seen this post, habislah aku ... sebab tidak belajar ..

Instead , i am day dreaming .. [ but day dreaming for real . heh ]

It was hard to come this far . Hard .

With hardship , with physical and mental endurance , i came this far ..

Made me sujud syukur , and i felt my prayer was 'heard' ..

Thank You , Allah =)

The feelings were overwhelmed .

Excited . Happy . Panic . Sad . Eager . Everything .

To leave my 'miss' world ... and to enter 'mrs' dimension .

How does it feels? How can i live with a .. GUY ?

Because i know it is different . Totally .

And i am hoping i won't demand and expect too much .

Instead .. i wish for tolerance to this whole new life . Amin .

We ( Housemates & Friends ) seem getting closer .

which i never treasured this before . too bad for me .

In other point of view , this is a gift from Him .

thank you again, Allah =)

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

The Last Wave

I did that ... the last wave .. at him .. at him

"Why does it hurt So Much?"

There's no way we could ever anticipate the agonizing pain & emptiness following the loss of love.

Whether we have experienced a painful breakup , a divorce , or the tragic death of a loved one ,

the result is A BROKEN HEART .

At first we are stunned.

We feel a sudden numbness.

"No. it can't be! this is not happening"

As we cry out to God, we refuse to accept the loss.

We hope that we can wake up the next day & everything will be back to normal.

If only it could be a bad dream .

Soon ... we realized it has happened and , we can't go back to change it!

When we accept our helplessness, reality sets in ..

and , we begin to feel alone ...

When our numbness gradually melts,

We realize that we are in pain ...

And it HURTS a lot ..

It is not easy to let go or to say good-bye to someone we love ,

because we are toooo attached .

To find relief and heal our broken heart ,

We must understand first,

the nature of true LOVE , DEPENDENCE & ATTACHMENT ...

to whom actually , that primary source of love?

it's HIM .. HIM .. HIM ..

"....surely in the remembrance of Allah, do heart finds rest "

[Ar-Ra'd : 28]

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Days without him ...

Assalamualaikum .. n A good day to everyone ...

I can't help it .. eventho i know i must be strong enough ..

Days without atok .. which i used to have before ...

Family keep telling me, even Adah, my 10 years old cousin know how to accept 'taqdir'

"takpelah.. Allah lebih sayang arwah tok .. bawak bersabarlah ye? kitaorang kat sini pun sedih jugak "

It's ok if i distracted myself from thinking deep about this ...

I have Opah .. who needs full attention , i can say she's in bed-ridden state ...

She's not strong to hold herself , to even stand by herself , to go to toilet ..

The days when tok n opah in their house ,

Me myself felt veryyyy sad n sympathy n empathy ,

'If only i can stay here with tok & opah together ' ,

I can help better much better than i used to before ,

when i went back to kampung ...

Usually there , tok will be my companion , i can say that ...

because opah will just sleep on her bed , n only wake up to eat (if someone ask her to) or she asked for drinks ...

The best experience i have ever had (i can smile now when thinking about the happy moment with him) ....

When i did some cleaning & 'clearance' from the fridge ,

Ternampak terung yg agak dah lama , tapi takdelah busuk ..

Dan tangan yg gatal ini pun , buang ....

Ke dalam tempat pembuangan smpah blkang umah

[ tanah yg dikorek utk buat lobang yg dalam ]

then, tok checked his fridge ,

'nadaaaaa , mane terung tok tu , nada? '

"errr , terung??! buang la tok , sbb nampak dah tak elok"

[tok sengih2 - nmpak giginye yg dah berapa penuh tu ]

'aiii, ak nok mbuat benih tu , nak nanam tu'

"erk! tok! maaf tokk ..... kyong idok tau"

'tak ngape2 ...." then agak lama selepas itu, nampak tok ke belakang tmpat tu ,

n search for 'benih' terung tu .. hati sayuuu , tok orgnya jimat , tak membazir ... itu pengajaran paling terkesan dalam hidupku ..

Kg Jalan Badak , Jeliang ... Kuala Kangsar

Kebun tok , sebab tok rajin berkebun , baik utk kesihatan beliau

thanks imah, adele gambo nak nyimpan2

menghijau, cantik tanaman tok

terung =="

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Kekal itu pada Allah

11.30pm - terjaga lepas 2jam tidur ....
terus tengok handphone & monolog sendirian ...
'betul ke ni .. tok dah takde ... '

susah nak tidur balik ...
Allahuakbar .... ='(

mesej drp Awa , adik bongsu ala2 berbunyi :

"awa pun terkejut jugak , kyong baru sgt tau ke ni?
1st2 awa tau, awa da fikir kamu , sbb kamu rapat dgn tok.. time talkin td, awa leleh je..
tkot nk hadapi mase depan n kmatian awa"

mesej drp Ayah :
"Kate Dr, tok mnggal kerana 'heart stroke'. ni kata pakar forensic. sume org da tdo depan ni, tp ayh rase masih ada dlm biliknye tu.. tok tu ulama tersohor kyg.. belas muridnya beribu org.. iAllah, dia senang d sana, amin"

Sebelum ni, dapat berita kematian pelajar Mansurah ..
xdapat nak jiwai mcmne perasaan hilang org yg disayangi bile kite xbersama dgn keluarga..
tapi, td buka2 YM, tgk nama sendiri ... Allah....
camni rupenya perasaan tu ..

Aku terkesan sgt agaknye ni, sampai blog jadi tempat lepas perasaan.
bace tahlil slps tahu berita drp mak pun ,
diri ni cuba utk kuat, tapi sgt terkesan bila kena sebut 'alharhum Hj Zakaria ibni Sulaiman' ..... [ dah arwah !~ ='( ]

Mulalah kite nak teringat semua benda yg kite lalui dgn tok ..
Setiap kali balik malaysia , ak akan cuba balik kmpung ...
Sebab opah kami perlukan jagaan khusus, dah terbaring atas katil ,
Tok yg masih kuat berjalan , kadang dia masak sendiri, sebab opah xlarat dah nak buat kerja ...

Allahu Akbar , mohon kekuatan ya Robb ...

teringat ....
rutin harian tok .. dia akan bangun seawal sebelum subuh ,
mandi dgn air kolah yg sejuk2 tu , sebab tu ak fikir orang lama ni sihat , mandi pagi2 ..
kemudian bersiap di biliknye di depan umah , saat semue anak cucunye masih tidur berselerak di kawasan depan ...
bersiap dgn jubah putihnye, ambil tongkat, melangkah keluar ke mesah [surau] ,
kmudian baru yg lain bangun ...

tok 'lepak' di surau smpai pkul 7pagi selalunya ,
dan ak akan terkedek bangun subuh , dan cepat2 fikir dan bersedia nk buat sarapan ape ,
memg akan ade perasaan, 'kena rajin , sbb tok nak sarapan'

buatkan kopi die .. pekat2
kekadang masak nasi goreng ...
goreng kuih2 ...

pernah masa ak balik malaysia,
ak sahaje kat umah tu dgn tok dan opah ...
tok mengaja di pondok Ar-Ridhuan ...
Ak nak ngikut .. tok bg bawa moto skuter die, die guna moto kesayangan die lagi satu ,
mula2 , tok tnye 'ngape nak ngikut??'
'saje tok .. nk tgk tok ngajo'
'ish, utk org tua je ha ak ngajo tu, opoh2 dah ha'
'xpe tok , drp xde watpe kat umah'

Masa tu, ak dapat tgk,
tok memg seorng yg penjimat , sebab lepas je tok ngajo ,
ak terkedek2 nk tgk penjual kedai runcit , nk beli brg umah ,
pastu tok bising ' ish , usoh beli byk2, bukan ade org pun kat ghomoh tu'
Pernah imah cerita , tok sgt sempoi ..
Sebab die ganti key-chain umah yg pecah/rosak dgn balut cebisan kain yg xdigunekan dah..
sempoi kan die?

Semuanya tinggal kenangan kah ....? ='(
ye, semua yang kekal milik Allah...

Hurm , smlm teringat2 semua yg pernah ak alami dgn die ...
Tok kdng2 , bg mkn pd kucing2 luar yg dtg umah die ,
cara die nak pggil kucing2 tu ,
die ade satu bunyi yg die buat ....
'nyanyonya~ nyanyonya~ '
and the best thing is, tok je yg berkesan nk pggl kucing2 tu dgn bunyi tu,
hehe ... ='(

tulah , masa tok ada, kite senang lupakan die,
bile die takde, terindu2 kat dia ....
Allahuakbar ~

xsangka ya, Ramadhan lepas, Ramadhan terakhit untuk die ,
Kalau tiap kali Ramadhan , dr kecik lagi ,
ak ad 1 perasaan 'malas' nk ikut terawih yg diimamkan tok ,
sebab tok buat 20! walau surah pendek2 ... huhu
kuatnye qudrat die , smpai berumur 80tahun lebih ....
mampu lagi berakaat 20 terawihnye..

Allahuakbar !

oh ya, tok menghidap hypertension,
tapi tok 'sihat' je kalo di rumah katanya ,
''tu ak heran , jmpe doktor, katenye darah ak tinggi beno, tapi ak sehat je ghasenye"
pastu ak kate, agaknye tok 'white-coat hypertension' .. darah naik bile jmpe doc..
hehe :'(

p/s : suka gambar dia dgn bdak kecil comel Adawiyah kat atas tu, sebab dia senyum comel =)

Moga tok bersama golongan mukmin di sana , ya
Kok Yong nk jumpa tok di sana ...
iAllah ~


utk tok tersayang ='(
pkul 8.15 pagi td ak bru baca msj drp mak & imah
"tiap2 yang berjiwa pasti merasakan mati, kemudian hanya kpd Kamilah kamu dikembalikan "
[ 29:57 ]
Allahuakbar ..
Sedih tak terkata
rupenye , lambaian hari tu lambaian terakhir ..

Lambaian sebelum aku melangkah pergi balik ke Ipoh
Dan rupanya itu yg terakhir saat ak berjumpa tok
Sebab ak tak berjumpa dah dengan beliau
Aku terpaksa balik awal ke Mesir ikut penerbangan JPA


Hari ini ,
housemateku melangkah ke 24 tahun umurnya ..
Dan saat itulah juga
Satu nyawa ditarik kembali
Seorang yg sangat ku kagumi , kuhormati ..
Daripada dunia yg sementara ...
Sedarlah wahai rakan ....
Mati .. mati .. mati ...

Sekarang aku terkenang2 pulak masa aku dengan tok ....
Sebelum aku ke Mesir 5tahun yg lepas,
Saat aku mencium tangan tok ,
Terdetik dalam hati " sempat ke nanti aku jumpa tok lagi"
Lantas ak mencium pipi tok [ benda yg sangat janggal untuk ak]
Kemudian tok pun bg response pelik ..
Dan aku tahu , dia pun berasakan yg sama

"tok , tok tak nak g umrah lagi ke? "
"mane nak pegi nye ... opah kamu sape ndak jagenye "
"jomlah pegi tok ... kite g same2 , nanti kyong mintak imah duk ngan opah mase imah cuti panjang nanti"
"ade juge org ngajak aku pegi nanti , tapi cmne ghupenye tu , opoh kamu tu"


"tau ke kamu mbuat nye tu?"
[tgh nk masak gulai tempoyak kat dapor]
"hehe, tok kene ajor , kyong tak reti sgt ni"
"aiii, senang je , dlu aku masok je mase ak mude2 dlu "
[ dan ak melihat tok masak gulai tu dgn senangnye ]


" kyong , imah xtahu nak jawab ape , tok asyik tanya nape kamu nak kawen awal"
Tok ..
Tok ..
Tok ..

Semoga roh tok dicucuri rahmat Nya
Semoga urusan tok di sana dimudahkan
Semoga segala perhitungan amalan2 tok selama 80 tahun lebih ni dimudahkan
Tok ,
Minta maaf tok .